It Seems Like Years Since It's Been Clear

Well, today I bit the bullet and called my doctor about the mammogram. They kept me on hold for so long I was sure they were trying to find their sweetest person to break the bad news to me. Then they came back and put me on hold again. WTF.

Then Irene (remember my angry capslock at Irene back during the thyroid episode? pretty sure this is the same Irene) came back and said "Yeah, the mammogram. Um.... yeaaaaaah."

I panicked, but remained quiet. Then she said, "Okay, yeah, everything's fine!"

This is exactly what she said last time. "Everything'sfine!" all squished together and high pitched.

Thanks for freaking me the hell out for nothing, Irene.

So, to recap: my right boob is perfectly healthy. I'm sure you're all thrilled. Of course, since lefty wasn't x-rayed, there's always that possibility that she's a ticking timebomb of horrible cancer, but, you know. I doubt that.

I feel great knowing I'm okay, though. I mean, I doubted there was anything wrong, and I knew that if there was anything it was probably nothing serious, but it's good to know that a doctor has seen whatever it is you see when you look at an x-rayed boob and found nothing worth mentioning.

Just thought I'd document.

-3:20 AM

K so my fever was 101.7 when last we met. It went up to 102.7. My normal body temperature is 97.3ish. That was Very Bad. I took ibuprofen and fell asleep sometime after ten, exhausted.

I woke up what felt like hooooourrrrrs later at midnight (whaaaaat) still feeling like utter crap. Temperature was now 102.5. I watched some South Park (WHAT ARE THEY SAYING, CAN ANYONE EVEN UNDERSTAND THEM? I JUST LIKE THEM BECAUSE THEY LOOK LIKE POWERPUFF GIRLS WHO DRINK) then I watched the first like five seconds of Star Trek TNG and switched it because, no. Just no. Also I saw some Bernie Mac. Also no, just no.

Fell asleep for a bit, woke up, temperature was 100ish. At some point I watched some Andy Griffith, idk.
Woke up again at 3:30. Temperature was 98.8.

Woke up again at 9ish. Temperature was 97.5. Mother came to wake me up before she went to work and asked if I still had a fever. See, in my family, instead of asking a question directly (like "how do you feel" or "come and eat dinner") they ask "still have a fever?" or "you eating?" or even "you're not eating?"

So I said no and she was confused and then she went to work and I went back to bed.

At some point during the day my temperature drifted back up to 100. At dinner took more ibuprofen.

I'm hacking up like sixteen lungs here.



ALSO ALSO ALSO I ALMOST FORGOT THIS PART IS IMPORTANT
Yesterday (before the fever, I mean) I went to the hospital with my mother, to the women's center, not emergency or anything. It's either for old people who need mammograms or young people who are pregnant. I am neither old nor pregnant, I was so out of place (I could tell everyone was looking at me funny).

I wasn't there for pregnancy, so you can guess what I WAS there for. And for future reference, THEY HURT LIKE TEN THOUSAND BITCHES. Oh, Jesus, there are very few more uncomfortable procedures. They only had to do one side and thank God because I would have died. It's over SO quickly and there's barely and residual pain, but the five seconds they squeeze are like God himself is punishing you for a multitude of really crazy sins. Jesus. I'm pretty reserved but I think if I was even more uncomfortable with strangers touching me I would have died just from how they lead you around by your boob. (I am not even kidding. That is what they do. They pick it up and pull you with it. Jesus. AND YOU CAN'T WEAR DEODORANT. OMG.)
I have no idea when I get to find out if they see anything but the technician/nurse/wtfever she is, her name was Linda and she was like 60 and super sweet, she said something about an ultrasound and errrgh I think I've had enough strangers handling my bits please and thank you. But they might not do one, because they probably won't find anything, which thank God because no. But it's nice to know for sure.
/TMI

-11:49 PM

GAH. The doctor called today with my results (ALREADY WTF) and I MISSED THE PHONECALL. BITCHES. Now I have to wait until Monday. I CAN'T WAIT ANYMORRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEE.
-10:16 PM

I've just started rewriting my "book". From scratch this time.

Also, I went to the doctor yesterday because my ears were hurting like bitches. I was afraid I had the lamest of all non-serious illnesses, the ear infection, since THE WATER IS STILL IN THERE WTF.

Doctor said I have a sinus infection that's making the water hurt, but some medicine will clear it all up nice and happy and I'll be able to hear again, please and thank you.
I'm impressed my ears have gone this long with water in them without getting infected or damaged in any way. My immune system is awesome, you guys. This is my first illness of any kind this year, and I didn't even realize I had a sinus infection (I thought maybe it was allergies or something, I don't know.) I'm not coughing or sniffling, and I only feel a little bit sick (and a lot more tired than usual) so everything's great.

But my book is going to be so good when I get it published in 2050, I swear.

-2:21 AM

There has been water in my ears for the past... four days? I don't know. All I know is that I can't hear properly and I can feel it in there, MOCKING ME WITH ITS WETNESS, and I want to shoot myself. I've tried everything I could find online, including dropping peroxide into my ears (Not pleasant. At all.) using my fingers as plungers (with the result that my ears hurt and I think I scratched them with my nails) sleeping on my ears so the water drips out (which usually works, but nope) and all kinds of crazy head movements. I'm starting to worry about getting infections, which would be the lamest thing ever since I NEVER GET SICK and this wouldn't even be real-sick, this would be getting an infection from the lamest thing ever. Even my mother, who usually refuses to believe anything is wrong with me until I've thrown up or coughed out half a lung or something is starting to worry. I told her that if it doesn't go away by Monday, we can go to the clinic. I can't really justify to myself paying for a doctor visit for something so stupid, but it's really irritating and I kind of have a headache now.

-10:01 AM