Ivy (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ivybgreenflower) wrote2007-01-17 12:54 am
ivybgreenflower) wrote2007-01-17 12:54 am
Entry tags:
Only children
I read an article in the newspaper about only children today. It brought up a couple of points I found kind of odd. One of them was the statement that only children are at some kind of disadvantage in school; it mentioned that "by third grade there was no difference" between only children and children with siblings, implying that in the past there was. I know that I was certainly never at a disadvantage socially or scholastically as a child. And neither were any of the other kids I knew who grew up as only children (like those who had super older siblings who were married by the time they were in 3rd grade, or at least finished with high school.) In fact, all of these people are extremely socially adept (minus the social awkwardness we've kind of made an art form, but they weren't like, unkind or selfish or bitchy) and were all above-average in intelligence. So either the kids they were talking about were raised by morons or wolves or something, I really don't understand why someone not having siblings would mean they achieved less in school.
The social thing I can kind of understand: being the only person my parents had to fawn over- and being exceptionally good parents who loved hugs and giving presents, I did kind of grow up spoiled and a little selfish. But totally horrible at dealing with other people? Um, no. I can see how the only children of emotionally distant people can be kind of socially unaware, but... I'm just not seeing how not having siblings is like having some kind of handicap.
One of the things I found weird was the insistence of the writer and the interviewees to refer to only children as "onlys". They spoke as if they were some kind of minority with strange characteristics, as if they were a tribe of tiny purple people living among normally colored and sized humans. They acted as if they were so completely strange- like, how being only children led to vast difficulties and obstacles that were almost impossible to overcome. One of the interviewees had to get divorced because of this. WTF? Being an only child is not a disease or social anomaly. It's not even like having a different skin color.
To be honest, I have no idea what these people were smoking. They barely touched upon the more common negative aspects of being an only child, like how parents with only one child will push that child harder and how that child will always be to blame when something goes wrong (as you can't say "nuh-uh! she did it!"). They didn't even mention how some children grow up to be lonely from a lack of playmates their own age. Nor did they mention how only children don't have to learn conflict resolution skills at an early age.
And they didn't mention some of the things that suck when you're a kid but turn you into a better person when you grow up: being an only child is like a less severe version of growing up disadvantaged, like being born in a ghetto. It pushes you to be creative and imaginative because you have no one to talk to or play with. It's why I constantly told myself stories and had dozens of carefully crafted imaginary friends. In fact, it's that particular trait of mine that evolved beyond lonely kid playing by herself to normal teenager who writes short stories in her livejournal, and who gets good grades on her essays because of all the time she's spent carefully selecting the perfect words and all the time she's spent honing her vague and general opinions into specific arguments. Because I never had to share the toys or books or TV shows I liked, I could spend hours developing my opinions and likes and dislikes. Because I had no one who would question my ideas and opinions, I had no one to answer to and thus no one to put me down. I was forced to develop into my own best critic, and I think that makes my writing a little better.
In short, I am who I am because my parents decided not to have another child.
They were speaking as if they were crack babies born to welfare parents in some kind of horrible ghetto or something. And they were talking as if every only child feels exactly the same way.
They had the basic problem of the few speaking on behalf of everyone. As if one black person could speak for all black people, or one Catholic, or one French person. Being an only child is like having blue eyes: something you grow up with, something normal to you. Maybe growing up in a town where every family had five kids and you were the only only child would make things difficult, but in modern America every family is different. There are the families like mine, with two loving parents and one child, and families with step-siblings, and families with only one parent, or six kids, or no parents at all but some other kind of guardians. So you'd think being an only child wouldn't be that weird.
One thing they did mention was one of them had only one child and had all kinds of fertility stuff going on. And her daughter said to her "Aren't I enough?" Maybe that's the problem. Maybe making only children feel weird by trying so hard to have another child so they won't be an only child, maybe that's the problem. Maybe over-analyzing things and over complicating things is what makes it seem like only children are so vastly different from other children. Maybe concentrating on the number of children, or the statistics, or trying to calculate disadvantages instead of just raising the one you've got the best you can is the problem. There are all kinds of problems: middle-child syndrome, problems with being the oldest, or the youngest, or with being one of a whole bunch of kids. Every type of childhood has its advantages and disadvantages and I don't see why being an only child is so much worse than being any other type of child.
They were being so... dramatic, I guess. They were overemphasizing things that just don't need to be analyzed under such a powerful microscope. Either that or they were just going about it the wrong way; I suppose a better, less biased look at the lives of only children would be beneficial to the scientific community. But two angry women? Um, I have one word for you: stfu, okay? Just stfu. Because you're not representin' me very well at all.
-12:49 AM
The social thing I can kind of understand: being the only person my parents had to fawn over- and being exceptionally good parents who loved hugs and giving presents, I did kind of grow up spoiled and a little selfish. But totally horrible at dealing with other people? Um, no. I can see how the only children of emotionally distant people can be kind of socially unaware, but... I'm just not seeing how not having siblings is like having some kind of handicap.
One of the things I found weird was the insistence of the writer and the interviewees to refer to only children as "onlys". They spoke as if they were some kind of minority with strange characteristics, as if they were a tribe of tiny purple people living among normally colored and sized humans. They acted as if they were so completely strange- like, how being only children led to vast difficulties and obstacles that were almost impossible to overcome. One of the interviewees had to get divorced because of this. WTF? Being an only child is not a disease or social anomaly. It's not even like having a different skin color.
To be honest, I have no idea what these people were smoking. They barely touched upon the more common negative aspects of being an only child, like how parents with only one child will push that child harder and how that child will always be to blame when something goes wrong (as you can't say "nuh-uh! she did it!"). They didn't even mention how some children grow up to be lonely from a lack of playmates their own age. Nor did they mention how only children don't have to learn conflict resolution skills at an early age.
And they didn't mention some of the things that suck when you're a kid but turn you into a better person when you grow up: being an only child is like a less severe version of growing up disadvantaged, like being born in a ghetto. It pushes you to be creative and imaginative because you have no one to talk to or play with. It's why I constantly told myself stories and had dozens of carefully crafted imaginary friends. In fact, it's that particular trait of mine that evolved beyond lonely kid playing by herself to normal teenager who writes short stories in her livejournal, and who gets good grades on her essays because of all the time she's spent carefully selecting the perfect words and all the time she's spent honing her vague and general opinions into specific arguments. Because I never had to share the toys or books or TV shows I liked, I could spend hours developing my opinions and likes and dislikes. Because I had no one who would question my ideas and opinions, I had no one to answer to and thus no one to put me down. I was forced to develop into my own best critic, and I think that makes my writing a little better.
In short, I am who I am because my parents decided not to have another child.
They were speaking as if they were crack babies born to welfare parents in some kind of horrible ghetto or something. And they were talking as if every only child feels exactly the same way.
They had the basic problem of the few speaking on behalf of everyone. As if one black person could speak for all black people, or one Catholic, or one French person. Being an only child is like having blue eyes: something you grow up with, something normal to you. Maybe growing up in a town where every family had five kids and you were the only only child would make things difficult, but in modern America every family is different. There are the families like mine, with two loving parents and one child, and families with step-siblings, and families with only one parent, or six kids, or no parents at all but some other kind of guardians. So you'd think being an only child wouldn't be that weird.
One thing they did mention was one of them had only one child and had all kinds of fertility stuff going on. And her daughter said to her "Aren't I enough?" Maybe that's the problem. Maybe making only children feel weird by trying so hard to have another child so they won't be an only child, maybe that's the problem. Maybe over-analyzing things and over complicating things is what makes it seem like only children are so vastly different from other children. Maybe concentrating on the number of children, or the statistics, or trying to calculate disadvantages instead of just raising the one you've got the best you can is the problem. There are all kinds of problems: middle-child syndrome, problems with being the oldest, or the youngest, or with being one of a whole bunch of kids. Every type of childhood has its advantages and disadvantages and I don't see why being an only child is so much worse than being any other type of child.
They were being so... dramatic, I guess. They were overemphasizing things that just don't need to be analyzed under such a powerful microscope. Either that or they were just going about it the wrong way; I suppose a better, less biased look at the lives of only children would be beneficial to the scientific community. But two angry women? Um, I have one word for you: stfu, okay? Just stfu. Because you're not representin' me very well at all.
-12:49 AM
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