Ivy (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ivybgreenflower) wrote2004-02-13 08:36 pm
ivybgreenflower) wrote2004-02-13 08:36 pm
My favorite Valentine's day story
Ah, Valentine's Day. AKA the anniversary of a great accomplishment of mine. I ripped my ex's trench coat... while we were still together... accidentally. And wow did that thing rip. It was a HUGE hole. Hee.
Because I like to make lists:
To my future boyfriends:
On Valentine's day, do not...
1. Buy me chocolates. I do not like Whitman's or Russel Stover or any of those other "assorted" chocolates. If you must bestow the aphrodisiac on me, it should be in the form of Kit-kat. Preferably with a handwritten note.
2. Buy me jewelry. I'll be the first to admit I am a sucker for bangles and loops upon loops of necklaces and rings and everything. But I don't like gold. It bothers me. This stems from my hatred of the color yellow. I don't really like metal jewelry. (flatware is the exception. <3 forks.) Buy me a set of glittery plastic something-or-others from Claire's or the dollar store. Just for the love of all things Beatle don't get me jewelry.
3. While we're on the subject of gifts, here's the number one gift I don't want:
FLOWERS.
Flowers are the spawn of the devil. They do not smell nice; they smell like a funeral parlor IF they smell at all. They die quickly- what a great symbol of a relationship, huh? They're expensive. They're ugly. I don't like them. I hate them. I'll hate you if you give them to me. I'll burn down the florist's shop. I'll skin you alive. I HATE FLOWERS.
Oh, and sometimes they're even poisonous to animals.
4. The poor male in a relationship is forced to buy his girlfriend something even if he's broke, because she'll get mad at him if he doesn't. If God forbid his little brain forgets, the relationship is ruined for nothing. What did he do? Nothing.
5. All those girls who really, really want a boyfriend and instead gain 20 pounds from on-sale chocolate because they got too depressed to do anything else.
6. Guys who take advantage of girls by buttering (or shall we say... chocolating?) them up to get what they want.
7. All the hearts. Oh God the hearts. Help.
8. Champagne tastes nasty.
9. It's just another excuse for Hallmark and that 69 Cents card shop and all those other places to get money from people buying three cards (at over three bucks each) to get a stupid light-up bear whose batteries will die faster than those roses you got. Nice.
10. To the guy, typically, it means practically nothing. Acyually, they probably dread it. Poor things :(
Number one reason? My mom's birthday is the day before. My poor father, had my mother made him do it, would have had to buy extra presents. Thank George she's not like that.
What to buy me for V-day:
A fork would be nice. Maybe you could get it engraved.
Kit-kats.
Something stuffed. But not a bear. I'm talking a stuffed bird or something.
Something Beatlesque.
Pink lipgloss.
A sweater. In pink.
A new mascara. You should know which brand.
Nothing.
A card. A blank one that you have to write something in yourself. Heeheehee.
...actually, "nothing" is starting to look good.
Hate.
Ivy @ 8:58 PM <<<I think I'm going to start signing things "Ivy" again.
Because I like to make lists:
To my future boyfriends:
On Valentine's day, do not...
1. Buy me chocolates. I do not like Whitman's or Russel Stover or any of those other "assorted" chocolates. If you must bestow the aphrodisiac on me, it should be in the form of Kit-kat. Preferably with a handwritten note.
2. Buy me jewelry. I'll be the first to admit I am a sucker for bangles and loops upon loops of necklaces and rings and everything. But I don't like gold. It bothers me. This stems from my hatred of the color yellow. I don't really like metal jewelry. (flatware is the exception. <3 forks.) Buy me a set of glittery plastic something-or-others from Claire's or the dollar store. Just for the love of all things Beatle don't get me jewelry.
3. While we're on the subject of gifts, here's the number one gift I don't want:
FLOWERS.
Flowers are the spawn of the devil. They do not smell nice; they smell like a funeral parlor IF they smell at all. They die quickly- what a great symbol of a relationship, huh? They're expensive. They're ugly. I don't like them. I hate them. I'll hate you if you give them to me. I'll burn down the florist's shop. I'll skin you alive. I HATE FLOWERS.
Oh, and sometimes they're even poisonous to animals.
4. The poor male in a relationship is forced to buy his girlfriend something even if he's broke, because she'll get mad at him if he doesn't. If God forbid his little brain forgets, the relationship is ruined for nothing. What did he do? Nothing.
5. All those girls who really, really want a boyfriend and instead gain 20 pounds from on-sale chocolate because they got too depressed to do anything else.
6. Guys who take advantage of girls by buttering (or shall we say... chocolating?) them up to get what they want.
7. All the hearts. Oh God the hearts. Help.
8. Champagne tastes nasty.
9. It's just another excuse for Hallmark and that 69 Cents card shop and all those other places to get money from people buying three cards (at over three bucks each) to get a stupid light-up bear whose batteries will die faster than those roses you got. Nice.
10. To the guy, typically, it means practically nothing. Acyually, they probably dread it. Poor things :(
Number one reason? My mom's birthday is the day before. My poor father, had my mother made him do it, would have had to buy extra presents. Thank George she's not like that.
What to buy me for V-day:
A fork would be nice. Maybe you could get it engraved.
Kit-kats.
Something stuffed. But not a bear. I'm talking a stuffed bird or something.
Something Beatlesque.
Pink lipgloss.
A sweater. In pink.
A new mascara. You should know which brand.
Nothing.
A card. A blank one that you have to write something in yourself. Heeheehee.
...actually, "nothing" is starting to look good.
Hate.
Ivy @ 8:58 PM <<<I think I'm going to start signing things "Ivy" again.
no subject
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Ivy
no subject
As said in my valentines day wish to those on the AFI message board...
"The only good that comes from Valentines day is chocolate...but I eat too much chocolate which has caffeine in it...and then I get headaches from the caffeine withdrawl...damn Valentines day...
um...Hope you all have a good one."
Re:
My parents are going out to eat and I'm staying home...
I think tomorrow is the day for me to wear my AFI shirt and all other articals of clothing that are black.
heh...I find this song very suitable for me at the moment...only not.
This Celluloid Dream by AFI
"To the lovely dancing lights, I begged, "May I cut in." But they never stopped playing "their" song."
Re:
See latest entry.
Ivy
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no subject
What? o.O
Screw Valentine's Day. <3 Kit-kats.
no subject
Ivyette
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Re:
Ivyette