Ivy (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ivybgreenflower) wrote2005-07-12 11:18 pm
ivybgreenflower) wrote2005-07-12 11:18 pm
Bleh
Suddenly everyone's going on about colleges.
I think the fact that we're being forced to choose now is distinctly unfair. How do we know about careers? We've never had any! How do we know about colleges? We've never been to college! How do we know if we want to go to a college in another state if we've never been there? We're given bits of paper and black-and-white photographs and told "Here, make decisions that will affect the rest of your life, and be careful not to screw up." The decision-making, rational parts of our brains don't finish developing until our early twenties, and yet here we are, far away from then, trying to decide what to do with the lives we're going to have and know nothing about. I don't know entirely who I am right now, or who I'll be next year or in five years or in ten years. I don't know what I'll like, or if I'll be kicking myself for what I've chosen now. I know what I'm good at, which is, unfortunately, very little. I'm a writer, I always have been. And that is all I am. Unfortunately, I am most certainly NOT a journalist. I really couldn't care less what's going on around me. I also don't like people, and I suppose journalism has to do with people. Also unfortunately, all I hear from people when I say "I'm going to be a writer" is "That's good, but you won't make anything." Well, I don't think I won't make ANYTHING. I'll make stories. I love stories. I'll make myself happy. I will not, I ABSOLUTELY refuse to do something I don't like doing at least some of the time. My college resume is abysmally dull and short, which is my own fault. But it's all a bunch of hypocrisy: community service hours are complete crap in my opinion. Many of the people who get them got them simply because they had to, not because they actually wanted to help people. A lot of community service isn't really any kind of service to the community at all. Our resumes tell blatant lies. We got to clubs, yes; we go into a room and sign our names on pieces of paper. But our resumes make it sound like we were outstanding club members and role models. Well, if we're ALL role models, who exactly are we role-modeling for? Our resumes tell only half of the truth. And they completely ignore the things that make us people: what we like, what we care about, what actually does mean something to us. Instead we tell the clubs we "joined" and we go on and on about the grades we got. My college resume makes me look like the only things I care about are the Humanities club, the Spanish honorthingie, and those few times I sold soda and nachoes to football-watchers. In fact, I care about a lot of things, things that aren't the focus of clubs or other such groups, things that won't give me "hours" or "credits". I don't have many titles, or have raked up hours doing something no one cares about, but does that make me less of a person than anyone else? We can't all be presidents and secretaries. We can't all pretend we care about things we don't. And we can't put down "I like to build things with legos and draw pictures and write stories and take walks through forests". My resume should say "I am not 'normal'. My favorite color is pink, and I have obsessive-compulsive tendencies. I am choosy with my friends and even more picky with my male companions. I don't like girls who are fake and boys who are assholes. I love to read and I love to write. I write stories about people who die. I also write romance. I write silly little things that don't make clear sense but that make sense to the part of you just below the surface; the kind that you 'get' but can't explain with words. I refuse to cut more than two inches off of my hair at a time, because I like long hair. My hair is dark brown, and between you and me, I think brown is the best hair color there is, next to magenta. I absolutely love animals, I like to look at them but I don't like to get too close to them, hence the fact that I am a writer and not a zoo director or a vet. I am not skinny; I'm not fat, but I'm very close to being overweight, because I like food. Unfortunately, though, I've got an awful phobia of ovens, and so I cannot pursue a career in cooking. This is ESPECIALLY unfortunate because I love baking; I'm very good at it but I need someone else to handle the oven. I suppose I could be a fashion designer, but I have such unique tastes that no one would buy my clothes. Also, I cannot draw to save my life, thus hindering my creative abilities. My life is devoted to The Beatles. I am an environmentalist; I recycle. I have a pet parakeet.
These are the things you should know about me. It should not matter that I pretended to be a devoted member of the SNHS or that I conveniently forgot to mention I was the president of a club where I was one of three members. It should not matter, and indeed it doesn't, that I was so bored I went with my friends to sell hot dogs and nachoes and sodas to the people who showed up at football games. I do not even like football at all. Nor do I care about the greater good I have served by using a tiny can-opener on a too-large can of processed cheese substance. What matters is what's in my heart, and what's in my brain; my favorite color over the time I sang in Spanish to hospital patients who were more disturbed than helped. This is what you SAY you care about, and yet you so obviously don't."
But I can't get into college based off of that, and my credits are all screwed up and my ACT scores are crap and I've never even taken an SAT test. Ah well, I suppose I'll go to school at some stupid technical college they advertise (with VERY VERY BAD ACTORS) on daytime TV. And I'll write in the evenings, and my life will be crap, because it didn't matter to colleges that I like pink and birds and the Beatles, and writing is all I could ever do.
-11:59 PM
I think the fact that we're being forced to choose now is distinctly unfair. How do we know about careers? We've never had any! How do we know about colleges? We've never been to college! How do we know if we want to go to a college in another state if we've never been there? We're given bits of paper and black-and-white photographs and told "Here, make decisions that will affect the rest of your life, and be careful not to screw up." The decision-making, rational parts of our brains don't finish developing until our early twenties, and yet here we are, far away from then, trying to decide what to do with the lives we're going to have and know nothing about. I don't know entirely who I am right now, or who I'll be next year or in five years or in ten years. I don't know what I'll like, or if I'll be kicking myself for what I've chosen now. I know what I'm good at, which is, unfortunately, very little. I'm a writer, I always have been. And that is all I am. Unfortunately, I am most certainly NOT a journalist. I really couldn't care less what's going on around me. I also don't like people, and I suppose journalism has to do with people. Also unfortunately, all I hear from people when I say "I'm going to be a writer" is "That's good, but you won't make anything." Well, I don't think I won't make ANYTHING. I'll make stories. I love stories. I'll make myself happy. I will not, I ABSOLUTELY refuse to do something I don't like doing at least some of the time. My college resume is abysmally dull and short, which is my own fault. But it's all a bunch of hypocrisy: community service hours are complete crap in my opinion. Many of the people who get them got them simply because they had to, not because they actually wanted to help people. A lot of community service isn't really any kind of service to the community at all. Our resumes tell blatant lies. We got to clubs, yes; we go into a room and sign our names on pieces of paper. But our resumes make it sound like we were outstanding club members and role models. Well, if we're ALL role models, who exactly are we role-modeling for? Our resumes tell only half of the truth. And they completely ignore the things that make us people: what we like, what we care about, what actually does mean something to us. Instead we tell the clubs we "joined" and we go on and on about the grades we got. My college resume makes me look like the only things I care about are the Humanities club, the Spanish honorthingie, and those few times I sold soda and nachoes to football-watchers. In fact, I care about a lot of things, things that aren't the focus of clubs or other such groups, things that won't give me "hours" or "credits". I don't have many titles, or have raked up hours doing something no one cares about, but does that make me less of a person than anyone else? We can't all be presidents and secretaries. We can't all pretend we care about things we don't. And we can't put down "I like to build things with legos and draw pictures and write stories and take walks through forests". My resume should say "I am not 'normal'. My favorite color is pink, and I have obsessive-compulsive tendencies. I am choosy with my friends and even more picky with my male companions. I don't like girls who are fake and boys who are assholes. I love to read and I love to write. I write stories about people who die. I also write romance. I write silly little things that don't make clear sense but that make sense to the part of you just below the surface; the kind that you 'get' but can't explain with words. I refuse to cut more than two inches off of my hair at a time, because I like long hair. My hair is dark brown, and between you and me, I think brown is the best hair color there is, next to magenta. I absolutely love animals, I like to look at them but I don't like to get too close to them, hence the fact that I am a writer and not a zoo director or a vet. I am not skinny; I'm not fat, but I'm very close to being overweight, because I like food. Unfortunately, though, I've got an awful phobia of ovens, and so I cannot pursue a career in cooking. This is ESPECIALLY unfortunate because I love baking; I'm very good at it but I need someone else to handle the oven. I suppose I could be a fashion designer, but I have such unique tastes that no one would buy my clothes. Also, I cannot draw to save my life, thus hindering my creative abilities. My life is devoted to The Beatles. I am an environmentalist; I recycle. I have a pet parakeet.
These are the things you should know about me. It should not matter that I pretended to be a devoted member of the SNHS or that I conveniently forgot to mention I was the president of a club where I was one of three members. It should not matter, and indeed it doesn't, that I was so bored I went with my friends to sell hot dogs and nachoes and sodas to the people who showed up at football games. I do not even like football at all. Nor do I care about the greater good I have served by using a tiny can-opener on a too-large can of processed cheese substance. What matters is what's in my heart, and what's in my brain; my favorite color over the time I sang in Spanish to hospital patients who were more disturbed than helped. This is what you SAY you care about, and yet you so obviously don't."
But I can't get into college based off of that, and my credits are all screwed up and my ACT scores are crap and I've never even taken an SAT test. Ah well, I suppose I'll go to school at some stupid technical college they advertise (with VERY VERY BAD ACTORS) on daytime TV. And I'll write in the evenings, and my life will be crap, because it didn't matter to colleges that I like pink and birds and the Beatles, and writing is all I could ever do.
-11:59 PM
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And while I sometimes think, "Hey, I might be able to get into this college," I also think, "Hey, $30,000 a year would send my parents in debt. How the hell am I supposed to rack in all the scholorships. I can't get any for financial need, and I can't get any merit based scholorships from the school because I don't have a 3.8, I wasn't valadictorian, I never really joined many clubs, and the ACTs kicked my ass." Which leaves me with the essay scholorships. Then I remind myself, "Gosh Jackie, you suck at writing!"
This whole process is very defeating unless you were perfect in highschool and didn't have to take physics. On a positive note, the required essay you're going to have to write for college apps. will knock the admissions people of their seat.
Oh, and please don't submit yourself to the technical colleges they advertise (with VERY VERY BAD ACTORS) on daytime tv. You're better than that.
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Don't let it affect your future.
But, there are some schools that have a rolling deadline.
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Anyway, ditto on what Jackie said. I know this is all frustrating but I bet we could find something for you to do. You love to write but before automatically making it your full-time job, try to be open to other options. You don't have to be just a vet or a doctor or a lawyer. There are a lot of other options and maybe you could combine writing with birds or clothing or the Beatles.
Sometimes when you look at the essays that you have to write, they're not always that bad. I found one where all you have to do is write about you. There are a lot that accept low GPAs and don't look at standardized test scores. I found one that would be perfect for you. It's a $1,000 award and they don't even tell you what to use it for. And all you have to do is submit something you wrote. No grades, no questions, just anything you want to write about. Go to fastweb.com, fill out the registration and do me a favor, and look at some of the scholarships. Don't give up, Gracie.
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Also, icon: *does her best SpongeBob imitation* IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII'MMMM REAAAADDDYYYYY!!!!! whee.
kthnx
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Also? You make me blush. :D
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