Ivy (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ivybgreenflower) wrote2005-06-14 10:55 pm
ivybgreenflower) wrote2005-06-14 10:55 pm
I believe, in you, and the best is yet to come
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I e-mailed Bianca last night. That proves how lonely I am, e-mailing someone who (most likely) can't answer. And I wrote about the stupidest things, like Inna's away message. And it kind of hit me that I miss talking about stupid things to people I like. It's always trying to look smarter than I am, or just talking about something serious and intellectual, and I haven't been just silly in a long time. My family is very, very judgemental and negative, and that rubbed off on me a long time ago. Which is why I turned out to be so bitter and hateful and negative. But that's alright. I'm not a sociopath or anything. So that's why I have no chance to laugh and be weird and silly. And I start judging myself, and that's no good. But I feel like I have to- like if I act stupidly, then I'll just turn into a moron or something. I don't know.
My uncle came down to visit last week and left today. During his stay with my grandparents (who live about a mile away) he took my grandparents and me (Mother was working) to the closest mall. And in Dillard's, I found... a dress. My Homecoming dress last year was the most gorgeous dress in the world, "You open the closet door and angels sing", right Stephanie? That dress will always remain my favorite dress, ever. No dress can come close to that one.
But I found another one. I'm telling you, it talked to me. "Hey you," it said. "C'mere." The first time I looked at it I only pulled the skirt part toward me and felt the nylon mesh. But the color was a complete turnoff. You all know I loathe the color blue. Especially powder-periwinkle blue. I just Do Not Like blue. So I walked away and looked at some other dresses. But they were all short, or strapless, or both (YE GADS) which I hate in a dress. And I walked by The Blue Dress again, and it said "Come and see if I'm in your size." So I petted the mesh again and looked at the tag. "9/10". Oh boy. I can squeeze into it if I don't breathe. So I walked away. ...and then I came back again. And this time Blue Dress said "Go on, check the price. You can afford me." Marked down from 189 dollars to 47 or whatever, with 15 percent off, so it came to 40 (42 plus tax, or whatever.) And I just gasped. And I stood there looking at Her Blueness, hating the color and falling more and more deeply in love with it every second I touched its nylony goodness. I had to try it on. I've been heartbroken by gorgeous dresses before, which makes me bitter about trying dresses on at all, but I decided to. I found a fitting room and squished my slightly overweight (clinically, lol, I'm not just being a typical teen) self into it. I needed help with the zipper. My grandmother was reluctant to tug at first, but I held my breath and forced her to shove that zipper up like nobody's buisness, and there I was. I was Cinderella.
But I couldn't walk. Not for the tightness- I wear clothes several sizes too small for a hobby, it was the sheer LENGTH of this whore. (But oh, was she a gorgeous whore.) The dresses were all on clearance, presumably after Prom Season officially closed, and now I saw why this dress and her sisters (several of the same dress in smaller sizes) weren't sold. You have to be very, very tall to wear this dress and not fall or tear the skirt or something. I'm 5'1", and I put on my four inch heels, and the dress was still on the floor. Not even simply touching it like dusting it, just there, TOUCHING THE FREAKING FLOOR. Holy mama llama. But oh, I had to be practically peeled away from my dress. Grandmother bought it, and it took two people (the sales lady and I) to get it in the bag. Which, by the way, it took two bags to cover it.
But she's so gorgeous. Spaghetti strap, kind of a... v...? neckline? And A three layer skirt. Layer one is the shaping, one gigantic thing of tulle and hard fabric, then the next layer, simple flat blue fabric, and THEN COMES THE GIANT BEAUTIFUL MESH LAYER YAY. It also has a big flower I'll have removed when we have it altered for height(and keep whee), and a mesh ribbony thing which I'll make them leave on because I love it. I told my mother "YOU'RE NOT TAKING MY DRESS AWAY FROM ME," and I guess I looked deranged enough for her to say "As long as it fits, I'm not taking it anywhere." I kept putting it on and just sitting in it. It's too tight though, I'll admit. I said it fit fine, but... it's too tight. It kind of hurts to be in for a long (20 minutes) period of time. BUT IT'S MINE, YOU'RE NOT TAKING IT AWAY FROM ME. Miiiiiiiiiiiiiiine. I'll just have to lose weight or something. I don't even know where I'm wearing it, Homecoming or what. I feel like it's too big for Homecoming. Maybe I'll save it for the prom. Or maybe I'll just keep wearing it when I want to practice holding my breath.
So yeah, I might write something later.
xoxo <3 Ivyette @ 12:15 AM
I e-mailed Bianca last night. That proves how lonely I am, e-mailing someone who (most likely) can't answer. And I wrote about the stupidest things, like Inna's away message. And it kind of hit me that I miss talking about stupid things to people I like. It's always trying to look smarter than I am, or just talking about something serious and intellectual, and I haven't been just silly in a long time. My family is very, very judgemental and negative, and that rubbed off on me a long time ago. Which is why I turned out to be so bitter and hateful and negative. But that's alright. I'm not a sociopath or anything. So that's why I have no chance to laugh and be weird and silly. And I start judging myself, and that's no good. But I feel like I have to- like if I act stupidly, then I'll just turn into a moron or something. I don't know.
My uncle came down to visit last week and left today. During his stay with my grandparents (who live about a mile away) he took my grandparents and me (Mother was working) to the closest mall. And in Dillard's, I found... a dress. My Homecoming dress last year was the most gorgeous dress in the world, "You open the closet door and angels sing", right Stephanie? That dress will always remain my favorite dress, ever. No dress can come close to that one.
But I found another one. I'm telling you, it talked to me. "Hey you," it said. "C'mere." The first time I looked at it I only pulled the skirt part toward me and felt the nylon mesh. But the color was a complete turnoff. You all know I loathe the color blue. Especially powder-periwinkle blue. I just Do Not Like blue. So I walked away and looked at some other dresses. But they were all short, or strapless, or both (YE GADS) which I hate in a dress. And I walked by The Blue Dress again, and it said "Come and see if I'm in your size." So I petted the mesh again and looked at the tag. "9/10". Oh boy. I can squeeze into it if I don't breathe. So I walked away. ...and then I came back again. And this time Blue Dress said "Go on, check the price. You can afford me." Marked down from 189 dollars to 47 or whatever, with 15 percent off, so it came to 40 (42 plus tax, or whatever.) And I just gasped. And I stood there looking at Her Blueness, hating the color and falling more and more deeply in love with it every second I touched its nylony goodness. I had to try it on. I've been heartbroken by gorgeous dresses before, which makes me bitter about trying dresses on at all, but I decided to. I found a fitting room and squished my slightly overweight (clinically, lol, I'm not just being a typical teen) self into it. I needed help with the zipper. My grandmother was reluctant to tug at first, but I held my breath and forced her to shove that zipper up like nobody's buisness, and there I was. I was Cinderella.
But I couldn't walk. Not for the tightness- I wear clothes several sizes too small for a hobby, it was the sheer LENGTH of this whore. (But oh, was she a gorgeous whore.) The dresses were all on clearance, presumably after Prom Season officially closed, and now I saw why this dress and her sisters (several of the same dress in smaller sizes) weren't sold. You have to be very, very tall to wear this dress and not fall or tear the skirt or something. I'm 5'1", and I put on my four inch heels, and the dress was still on the floor. Not even simply touching it like dusting it, just there, TOUCHING THE FREAKING FLOOR. Holy mama llama. But oh, I had to be practically peeled away from my dress. Grandmother bought it, and it took two people (the sales lady and I) to get it in the bag. Which, by the way, it took two bags to cover it.
But she's so gorgeous. Spaghetti strap, kind of a... v...? neckline? And A three layer skirt. Layer one is the shaping, one gigantic thing of tulle and hard fabric, then the next layer, simple flat blue fabric, and THEN COMES THE GIANT BEAUTIFUL MESH LAYER YAY. It also has a big flower I'll have removed when we have it altered for height(and keep whee), and a mesh ribbony thing which I'll make them leave on because I love it. I told my mother "YOU'RE NOT TAKING MY DRESS AWAY FROM ME," and I guess I looked deranged enough for her to say "As long as it fits, I'm not taking it anywhere." I kept putting it on and just sitting in it. It's too tight though, I'll admit. I said it fit fine, but... it's too tight. It kind of hurts to be in for a long (20 minutes) period of time. BUT IT'S MINE, YOU'RE NOT TAKING IT AWAY FROM ME. Miiiiiiiiiiiiiiine. I'll just have to lose weight or something. I don't even know where I'm wearing it, Homecoming or what. I feel like it's too big for Homecoming. Maybe I'll save it for the prom. Or maybe I'll just keep wearing it when I want to practice holding my breath.
So yeah, I might write something later.
xoxo <3 Ivyette @ 12:15 AM
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I enjoyed it thoroughly last time. =-D
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: )
"holy mama llama" lmao
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